I am Rumplestiltskin

When I was a little girl my two favorite fairy tails were Rapunsel and Rumplestiltskin.  Rapunsel because she had really cool long hair, a feat that always escaped me, but I've given up caring about that so that story is off my adult my hit parade.  I loved and love Rumplestiltskin because of his angry little conniption fit where he slams his foot down so hard it opens a chasm in the earth and he is swallowed whole.

I get that kind of rage.

July and August have been bad months just about anyway you want to cut it.  The weather is so hot I can't run outside so I run at the Y which makes me crazy because of all the idiot people who think nothing about stepping out in front of me while I'm moving swift...like the wind.  Seriously, if I hit them with my car going seven miles an hour, they would pay a pretty penny for their oblivious instrusion into Cappytown but since most of the adult world is bigger than me, when we collide, I bounce.  Its embarrassing and it hurts and the clueless clod that caused the accident almost always looks at me as if I'm to blame for their rudeness.  It makes me angry.  It ruins my workout.  I have a hard time letting go of the angry.

My husband is between jobs and that adds enormously to the stress-o-meter at Chez Hagman.  He's looking hard and being very deligent but the economy stinks.  STINKS!  Very few people are hiring and those that are want someone for damn near free and when you can make more money on unemployment, it hardly seems worth working.  And don't give me a bunch of drivel about the intrinsic noble value of all work.  Intrinsic noble value doesn't cover the cost of squat.  I'd much rather have a morally bankrupt paycheck any day of the week than an intrinisic noble value bankruptcy.  It all makes me angry.  I hate it for him.  I have a hard time letting go of the angry.

Both of my kids are home.  I love my kids. My youngest daughter is getting ready to go back to school, which, while making me sad, is right and proper, but her departure isn't without stress.  Various important bits of information - like whether she got financial aid - are held out by her school until the critical mass point.  It goes to hell in a hand basket and you spend days scrambling trying to piece things back together and naturally the school -when you can get a live human rather than a recording telling you they are too busy to take your call - acts like some ancient cabal for which you have been denied the secret password to knowledge.  Its extremely frustrating and stressful.  It makes me angry.  I hate it for my girl.  I have a hard time letting go of the angry.

My eldest daughter is home from college for good.  She's working hard, saving her money waiting to go off to become rich and famous in NYC.  Some days we get along great.  Some days less than.  Its a tough time for her in her life and in our relationship.  She's too young for us to be friends and she has mixed feelings about whether she needs a Mom.  Sometimes yes.  Sometimes, no.  The line is always blurred and it makes it hard for both of us which is frustrating. It would be so much easier on both of us, if she would stop having to learn things for herself and would just listen to me!  Of course she can't and she doesn't but it kills me to see her struggling and the fact that her choices make her life harder than it should be makes me angry.  I hate it for my girl.  I have a hard time letting go of the angry.

Dietarily, for a month I have pretty much been off the rails.  I'm stress eating a lot.  A LOT.  I've put back on a couple of my victoriously slain pounds and it makes me nervous.  Very nervous.  I know I'm doing it, I hate doing it but  I almost seem driven to do it.  The arm wrestling that goes on in my head is ridiculous and stressful and more often than not, I'm losing.  It makes me angry.  VERY ANGRY.  I have a hard time letting go of the angry.

And so on, and so on, and so on until I slam my foot into the floor..........