So as I move forward with the blog I want everyone who struggles with their weight to understand that I do not hate myself and I do not hate YOU. I do HATE our fatness. I hate our fatness because I know that it makes us unhappy and it is like an assassin sent to kill us. Oh we can make friends with it, learn to live peacefully with it, but ultimately it has a job to do and it will do it. Even if we claim to be comfortable with our weight,(liar, liar, pants on fire), being fat cheats our families, friends and ourselves out of the best we have to offer. It not only shortens our lives but also compromises the quality of that life.
Now, if you're fat and you're not doing anything about it, while I feel your pain, and know the denial and depression that can keep you nailed to the sofa, I am miffed with you. Nothing makes me happier than to see a really fat person out running and not because of the comic value of watching everything shake. Oh quit. This is me! I remember more than once thinking someone was running up behind me and getting out of their way to let them pass, only to realize it was the shadow of my enormous butt that was sneaking up on me. I promise there are no steps you have taken as a fat person that I haven't taken. I'm not judging, I just know that if you can do something about it and you should do something about it and if you're not doing something about it, well, shame on you! Three licks with a wet noodle, Mister. That's why I like seeing fat people out running or working out, at least they are trying. It also takes enormous courage to show up at a gym full of hard bodies knowing you have more in common physically with the Pillsbury Doughboy than you do with the ripped and lean. The thing is, you show up at the gym enough. You try hard enough. You try long enough, things WILL change. One of my great good friends commented lately that she knew she needed to get up and get going and that what she needed was a cheerleader! Consider me armed and ready, Rah! Rah! Sis boom bah! See picture? I'm serious! We are all in this together. YEAH TEAM!Lets talk about the fat itself. Why are we all so damn fat? America is not only the land of the free and the brave, we are also the land of the rotund and gigantic. We are the fattest people in the world and this is not a leadership role to which we should be aspiring. Technically, we are fat because we eat more calories than we burn. Repeat after me. I am fat because I eat more calories than I burn. Period. Its simple math when you boil it all down. Yet, all of us who struggle with our tonnage, know that it is much more complex an issue and that the emotional components of weight are significantly more impactful than a simple math equation.
There are myriad emotional reasons for being fat. I know women, both married and single, who keep the pounds on because it helps deflect unwanted male attention. I know kids who come from fat families and the thought of losing weight is frightening because somehow they may lose their "pack membership". Seriously, if you're in the company of fat people, at work, at home, at the Thanksgiving table, and suddenly you lose weight, you know that there is going to be emotional fall out and that some people will simply stop liking you because your success points a finger at them. Its emotionally safer to stay fat because we are all pack animals and at an instinct level, the concept of being ostracized and alone in the wilderness is tantamount to suicide.
I know people who are fat because they've given up on themselves. I know people who are fat because they are party animals. They want to always be seen and known as the one having the most fun, eating the most, drinking the most, living it up the most. Most, but not all, of the people I know in this category are men. Men who still think they are 22 and keep sliding that belt further and further under that gut, hopelessly claiming they still wear the same waist size as they did in high school. Its like an adipose comb-over. No one is fooled!
I know people who eat when they are sad. When they are happy. When they are stressed. Until we really are willing to figure out the reasons we're eating too much and deal with those I know, for a fact, conquering the weight demon will be an on going battle. If you are fat, at some level it is working for you. Figure out how its working for you and what you need to do to make it not work for you any longer and you'll be well on your way to health.
For me, food is emotional sustenance. It is love. It is companionship. If you've ever been to my house, you know the food I'll put out for you to enjoy. Its part of how I show you that I care about you. Its how I comfort myself when I'm lonely, sad, tired, bored. I'll also admit, that I do feel more than a little camaraderie with the party animal type of fatty as well. I am not someone who handles boundaries well. I like being the Belle of the Ball. I like being the center of attention. I do wallow in self indulgence like a two year old. For me, then, the secret is to rewire how I feel about food as friend. To learn its okay to have limits and boundaries. To find self love as fulfilling as mashed potatoes slathered in gravy and to realize that I am enough in myself without the external validation that the party animal in me so desperately seeks. Its a tall order but I'm working on it!
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